Has Anybody Seen My Youthful Naivety?

Sorry, Lisa. I’d love to move to New York, and the money is awesome, but the only things I still have a “deep rooted” passion for are creme horns and about half the Venom Mob catalog. I can offer you “likes it better than EDI mapping, but not as much as domestic lite beer.” Sorry, after 25+ years of dealing with recruiter promises, I just can’t engage enthusiasm for a “day job,” no matter how hard you try to make it sound like a cross between a Carribean vacation and fulfilling my life’s purpose.

Seriously, why do all postings and email solicitations suddenly read like this?! “We need someone who LIVES AND BREATHES to perform regulatory audits!” “The right candidate is someone who gets fired up to write technical specs!” “We have an EXCITING OPENING for someone who spontaneously orgasms at the thought of offshore project management.”

The warning flag going off in my head finishes these sentences with, “… because anyone doing it for the money will be sorely disappointed.” Can we just be honest for once and make the post read, “You need a health plan. We want your soul, but will settle for some of your moderately-specialized experience and skills. We promise we’ll be nice about it and ‘occasionally’ let you have a life outside the office.” Because, that’s how these things really end up in my experience.

Okay, I’ve become a curmudgeon. I have a low tolerance for insults to my intelligence and I can’t fake enthusiasm. I don’t think I fit in the modern workforce anymore.

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