Category Archives: Online Dating Terror

True Tales of Dating Terror … Part 92

When your life suddenly mirrors a joke Pres Maxson once told about you at your roast. Well, at least I knew the appropriate response to give, thanks, Pres! 🙂

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True Tales of Dating Terror … Part 91

Well, she’s cute, she obviously lives nearby, and we share at least the entire length of my commute. However, frantically waving and screaming, “Hey! I have a mannequin too!” while driving 40 MPH down Allisonville road apparently isn’t an effective pickup technique. (Or maybe it was my delivery, I kinda suck at talking to girls.) Basically, she must have been running late, because she floored it and lost me in traffic.

Can anybody run her plates and get me a name? Maybe my mannequin and I can surprise her by standing on her front porch and texting her to come out and meet us.

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True Tales of Online Dating Terror … Part 90

Continuing the saga of “Elena” from yesterday … I am sooooo gonna milk this for as long as I can.

Why are they ALWAYS named “Elena” and why do the ALWAYS have http://ninmail.com/ addesses!?

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And now, we wait …

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May 26, 2016 · 3:42 PM

True Tales of Online Dating Terror … Part 89

Russian with a Nine Inch Nails fansite address? Dream girl or trap. Gotta be a trap.

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New Meme

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Seriously though, it’s not so bad this past year, but seems like in 2014 there was an inordinately large number of females on Tender and OKCupid who were simply looking for new Candy Crush friends.  Seriously!?  The furries were bad enough, but now we’ve got gamers in here?

I assure you, this kind of thing does NOT happen on PretzelsOnly.com.

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New Meme

I actually met a couple of these girls, but the “You’re not my type” line is attributed to someone else. Apparently she was looking for someone just like me only with a human head, I don’t know.

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New Meme

While I made vegan/vegginazi a stopper, and later ammended this to add the “gluten free” crowd (basically, as a fat man, I just can’t deal with picky eaters), I somehow managed to leave “New Age/Spiritualist” open as an option. Ended up going out with three of them last year. One of them, I thought had a handle on things. The other two were just confused and disturbed people looking for one-line answers to life’s problems. Granted I’m hardly one to bash or really say anything about someone else’s spiritual beliefs, but I’m pretty convinced that you can find the secrets to nirvana or spiritual awareness in the checkout line at Kroger.

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New Meme

I know I do it. I just really don’t care.

pablo (1)

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New Meme

Now, granted, Astros would be a worse fashion statement, unless you’re from Houston, in which case you might get a pass. Chicago residents have no excuse, you are provided with worthwhile alternatives that you have refused to take.

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